Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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