You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
