I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
