He disabled his match.com account in front of me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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