Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
