last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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