Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
FUCK WHALES
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
