I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My first STD was from a foam party
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Use "feeling words"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.