After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.