So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants