OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
