why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
