Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
