Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
