yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
