She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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