they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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