third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
