Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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