Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
