In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You can't motorboat a personality
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
