i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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