whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
