allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
