The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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