Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
...so i touched it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
