i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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