Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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