the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
