she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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