We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
