Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
