we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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