Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
