Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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