What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
