My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
