College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
