Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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