nut hugger
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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