oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you still have your period?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
