Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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