The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You're like the curious george of whores
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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