i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
