I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
