Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
