Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
