I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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