don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
