I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
