alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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