He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
