I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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