im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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