Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
