Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
