Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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