I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
