didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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