Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
