also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You made out with two different species that night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
