I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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