My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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