anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
