Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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