He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
